I am stuck in a funk and I can’t get out. Ever since I went on vacation back in April I haven’t had passion for writing that I have in the past.
Lately when I write, which is mostly because I am afraid that if I don’t I will lose it, or something like that I guess, my writing lacks pizzazz, umph, passion. I’ve written some articles, edited a short story, and maybe have written a blog or two but nothing is really grabbing me and taking me on that “ohmygod writing is amazing” path.
I miss that tingly feeling when I’m writing that radiates throughout my body. I took this feeling as an indication that whatever I was writing about was “meant to be.” Now, I’m not so sure. I know that being a writer is not an easy path -heck it's down right HARD - but should it be an impossible one? Every story I’ve tried to get published has been rejected and I suppose that rejection has entered my soul. Damn rejections.
Now, I have had some- let’s call them- signs recently that have indicated to me that perhaps I should keep writing. For example, my Yahoo Contributor site suddenly was off the charts with hits on an article that I published last summer. And by off the charts, I mean 72,000 in a three week time period. I have no idea how or why that happened, but when a deposit was made into my checking account because of those hits, I stopped questioning it. That money represented something more than earnings; it was the validation that I've been seeking. Then, like all good things, that ended and my hits on my Yahoo site are back to dismal. Another
sign was a publication telling me that they are considering using an article I’ve written. Hey, I’ll take a consideration over a rejection any day even if my article never makes it to print. Then just the other day, as I was meditating and asking for a sign about what to do, I received an email that had a subject "Pursue your Masters in Creative Writing" Now, that was not something I have ever even thought about doing but I asked for a sign and there it was. I'm just not convinced it's the right sign for me. I need some time to mull that one over.
Maybe I should forget about fiction for a while and focusing on article writing. I have to wonder if fiction just isn't my path- how could I not think that with the amount of rejections I keep getting for my short stories and novel queries? And, while I do experience a surge of energy when I get that idea just right and the words flow, I’m just not feeling the sparks. This worries me. Maybe writing is not my calling after all. Maybe I’ve been jaded by too many rejections. Maybe I am burnt out. Maybe I am depressed. Maybe I need "real" job. Maybe I’m supposed to be focusing on something else other than writing. I really don’t know, but I want my sparks back!
Has this ever happened to you before? Let me know, maybe we can eat cheesecake, drink wine, and bathe in chocolate as we discuss how we got here.
I guess I will continue to write every day in the hopes that something will ignite the tingle, the sparks, the pizzazz.